Only Ninety Pounds

Barris: (Standing in the middle of the living room with a great big, shiny new barbell, very pleased.)  Look what I got for twenty bucks.

Freck: What is it?

Barris: A barbell, a 135 pound barbell, virtually brand new.  I saw it in the neighbor’s yard and asked about it and they had four of them so I made an offer of twenty dollars cash and they sold it to me.  24 hour fitness people.  They even hoisted it over the fence for me.

Luckman: I didn’t know you could get a 135 pounder nearly new for twenty dollars.  It’s amazing what you can get for twenty dollars.

Freck: Why do you say it’s 135 pounds when it only weighs 90?

Barris: (Astonished) What?

Freck: (Going over to the barbell and pointing) Look, a 45 pound barbell here and a 45 pound bumper here at the end.  45 and 45 makes 90.  So it’s only a 90 pound barbell.

Luckman: Yeah but even a 90 pound Olympic barbell is worth twenty dollars.  He still got a good buy.

Barris: (Nettled) Those 24 hour fitness people told me it was 135 pounds.  It’s a rip off.

(Everyone gathers to examine barbell.  They count the weight again and again.)

Freck: Now I count 60 pounds.  I think it’s a junior bar.  Fifteen and forty five.  That makes 60.

Arctor: (Logically) But it should be 135, or 95.  There’s never 90 pounds on the whiteboard.  Not that I’ve ever seen.  What do you suppose happened to the missing weight?

Barris: Those 24 hour fitness guys must have been lifting with improper form and no coach and when they put it back together they left the missing weight on the floor of their gym.  It’s probably still lying there.

Luckman: Then we should go ask for the missing weight.

Donna: Are you positive there’s only 90 pounds?

Freck: 60.

Donna: 90, 60.  Anyhow, I mean, before you go over there, ask somebody.  I mean it doesn’t look to me like they’ve done anything to it like taking it apart.  Before you go over there and lay blame on them, right?

Arctor: She’s right.

Luckman: Who should we ask?  Who do we know that’s an authority on barbells?

Freck: Let’s ask the first person we see.  Let’s carry it out the door and when some freak comes along we’ll ask him.  That way we’ll get a disheartened viewpoint.

First Person to Come Along: (Calmly) What you have to do is multiply the weight of the bumper by two.  It’s not adding but multiplying because, you see, there is a bumper on each end.  (He indicates the two bumpers).  And it’s a seven foot barbell so assuming it’s regulation you’ve got another 45 pounds which makes 135.  Do you see how that works?